hello, stranger.

2010-07-29T02:56:00.001+08:00

moved to www.minyanwong.tumblr.com please do check it out :)

x

2010-03-31T02:24:00.002+08:00

have you ever... felt this empty?

have you ever... felt this lonely?

have you ever... felt this urge to jump off the roof?

have you ever... felt the weight of the whole world on you alone, just you?

have you ever... felt like removing your heart cause it hurts so badly?

have you ever... felt like there's no one in this world understand you, at all?

have you ever... felt like disappearing?

have you ever... felt like giving the 1% of your happiness to your loved ones, though it's just so little, it's insignificant?

have you ever... felt like no one pays attention to you?

have you ever... felt like someone's pushing you towards the mountain cliff?

have you ever... felt not of use to the others?

have you ever... felt like you know everything that's happening, but no one knows what's happening to you?

have you ever... felt like choking yourself?

have you ever... felt like abusing yourself?

have you ever... felt like being loved?

have you ever... felt like the world has abandoned you?

have you ever... felt like you're forgotten?

have you ever... felt dejected?

have you ever... felt... like me?

wtf is this. fml already.

xx

to forget about you; xx

2010-03-19T09:14:00.003+08:00

我的悲傷失去你的地方
你的發香散的匆忙
我已經跟不上
閉上眼睛還能看見
你離去的痕跡
在月光下一直找尋
那想念的身影
如果說分手
是苦痛的起點
那在終點之前
我願意再愛一遍
想要對你說的
不敢說的愛會不會有人
可以明白
我會發著呆
然後忘記你接著緊緊閉上眼
想著哪一天
會有人代替讓我不再想念你
我會發著呆
然後微微笑接著緊緊閉上眼
又想了一遍
你溫柔的臉在我忘記之前
閉上眼睛還能看見
你離去的痕跡
在月光下一直找尋
那想念的身影
如果說分手
是苦痛的起點
那在終點之前
我願意再愛一遍
想要對你說的
不敢說的愛會不會有人
可以明白
我會發著呆
然後忘記你接著緊緊閉上眼
想著哪一天
會有人代替讓我不再想念你
我會發著呆
然後忘記你接著緊緊閉上眼
想著哪一天
會有人代替讓我不再想念你
我會發著呆
然後微微笑接著緊緊閉上眼
又想了一遍
你溫柔的臉在我忘記之前
心裏的眼淚
模糊了視線你已快看不見

it wasn't as easy as i thought, i know that it's gonna take me ages to forget you. in the meantime, i will treasure the memories we shared. the memories which lasted for about a year and a half. i want to forget you, but i can't. i couldn't sleep well at all for the past few days, since we broke up. gahh, i miss you a hell lot right now. i need you. but it's over, yes, i know it, but i just keep forgetting to forget about you... i love you...

untitled;

2010-01-11T00:45:00.004+08:00

how would you feel, if you were being misunderstood by someone? what if that someone is so special to you? what if that someone is your dearest mother? how would you feel? i have been homesick for the first time when i'm over here in the uk. it's funny though, how i'm homesick now. not the last time. i miss my family so much that i've been crying a lot for these few days. hence, the thought of flying back home to celebrate cny popped out of my mind. i hated cny last year, as i celebrated it all alone. well, my second sister did celebrate cny with me for say, one or two days? i can't recall. but the thing is, i was all alone in the super scary basement with a depressed hostess. imagine how cny was for me. i don't want to celebrate cny all alone without my family anymore. i told my mum that i want to fly back for 8 to 9 days just to celebrate cny, and she said no. we were on the phone again just now, and she scolded me, asking why i want to go back to malaysia? is it cause i want to see tvk. well, admittedly, tvk plays an important role in my life. but this time, the whole purpose for me going home during cny is to celebrate cny in my hometown, jementah with my family as well as relatives. but my mum doesn't understand it. she told me, well, if you want to come back, you have to go back to jementah in a tone which implies that i wouldn't like it or whatsoever. but that's the whole point of going back, to celebrate cny with so many relatives everywhere. unlike cold lonely uk. imma stop over here. can't take it anymore. fuck my life. kay bye.

or am i here all alone?

2009-10-05T04:23:00.003+08:00

Feels like i spent all this time talking to walls
Feels like i gotta let go of the way it was before
Are your really there? Are you made of stone?
Am i talking to someone or am i here all alone?

Are you alive, don't you feel, feel, feel?
Show me you're here, show me your tears
Don't your feel, feel, feel, feel?
Show me, hold me, speak up and tell me something
Change my mind before it's too late
Are you alive, show me you're human
Can't you feel, feel, feel, feel?

Seems like you're stuck in a daze, slipping away, away
I'm sick of trying to reach you, can't you say what's on your mind
Baby we're losing the race to far behind, behind
Tell me that i'm not the only one who can try, who can fight the wall

Are you alive, don't you feel, feel, feel?
Show me you're here, show me your tears
Don't your feel, feel, feel, feel?
Show me, hold me, speak up and tell me something
Change my mind before it's too late
Are you alive? Show me you're human
Can't you feel, feel, feel, feel?

Sometimes the words they don't get through
What really speaks is what you do
Open up, let me inside, just wanna find you

Are you alive, are you, are you?
Show me you're here, show me your tears
Don't you feel, feel, feel, feel?
Show me, hold me, speak up and tell me something
Change my mind before it's too late
Are you alive, show me you're human
Can't you feel, feel, feel, feel?

abandoned;

2009-09-20T05:41:00.002+08:00

my boyfriend - tan voon kent, hasn't been contacting me, e.g. texting/calling/facebooking/msn-ing, for the past 3 or 4 days, i lost count, great, just great. as i can recall, we used to be like so close and all although we are 13 hours flight apart. but now, we're further apart, we're like, 20 hours flight apart from each other. he doesn't care anymore. but what's the reason behind this? i really do not know. i am so confused with my life right now, i can't be bothered anymore. i refuse to think about it, refuse to cry over it. i know i can go through this phase and lead a better life in the future, i know i can. and i will.

xx

我不想再为你掉泪...

2009-09-13T07:02:00.000+08:00

bebe ah, i know that you're up in genting right now, having loads of fun with your classmates, and that's the reason why i'm not texting you about how i feel, instead, i am facebook-ing you. i am not sure if you feel the same way as i do, but i know that i need to tell you. i don't know what's happening between us, i really don't know. if you know what's wrong, please, please tell me. i am so confused, i can't think properly at all. i spent these few days thinking why aren't we talking like how we used to, although we just got back together. i feel as if i'm gonna give up and let go of our relationship, but i don't want the same thing to happen all over again. i really want to hold onto the relationship this time, but it seems like i have no more strength, no more energy, i really have no more strength, bebe... what's happening? tell me, please, bebe... it feels like you don't care anymore... it feels like you don't love or like me anymore... if this is really how you feel, then please, please, i beg you, just tell me, don't leave me hanging here without directions... i really don't know how to feel right now... to love you more or to stop loving you? to hold on tight or to let go?

这情节重复了一百遍,
历史不断重演我好累,
我不想再为你掉泪...

it's either a yes or no, give me an answer please... i finally know how you felt before i left, i am sorry, bebe... but, do me a favour, please? just one word from you, yes or no. don't let me be stuck in this difficult situation. i feel as if i have a boyfriend, but i can't talk to him, a total stranger to me. i can't talk or cry or laugh with you, but why? i really don't understand... if your answer is no, you want to break up, i will respect your decision. if your answer is a yes, you want to continue, we have to try harder and make this relationship work, and not make each other cry anymore...

please, give me the strength to breathe...

2009-09-13T04:19:00.003+08:00

Dear Voon Kent,

I do not know what's going on right now. I honestly thought that i didn't like you anymore, but just yesterday, i found out, i found out that I still love you, a lot. I still love you so much that i hate the fact that i love you. I hate that you do not care as much anymore. I hate it that you care more about your friends. I hate the fact that our relationship isn't how it used to be. Can you please end the relationship for me if you do not care anymore, and don't leave me hanging here, don't know what I should do, don't know where my directions are... Don't know what's the purpose of hanging onto a relationship that doesn't seem to be working at all...

我好累

2009-09-13T01:17:00.002+08:00

这情节重复了一百遍
历史不断重演我好累

不自觉爱到不敢冒险
成了你的傀儡一年两年
才看见我有多狼狈

我躲在我的世界
历史不能重演我好累
我不想再为你掉泪
我了解不会变不再徘徊
开始自己的明天

geuroke gajimayo.

2009-08-26T03:28:00.005+08:00

it's 3.30am now, and i can't seem to sleep. it's not the first time, this has been going on for a whole week now. i ask myself why, what's the reason behind all this, but, honestly, i couldn't answer it. is it you. well, maybe. maybe i am reluctant to move on, to build a wall. it used to be so easy just to build a wall, but this time, this time, i fell too hard. i used to think, by building a wall, by cutting you off, by deleting everything that has to do with you will make it easier for me to forget. but, now, i think i am suffering from it instead. the fact that i can't see what you're up to through facebook or msn or whatsoever is killing me. call me whatever you want, a stalker perhaps, or an obsessive ex-girlfriend. i do not care. what is wrong with me, seriously. it's time to move on, no? you, obviously, have moved on without me, leaving me in the past. but, who is to blame? fingers point back at me. i was the one who created all these drama, i was the one who didn't let you butt in on our relationship. i was the one who didn't want you anymore. i was the one who knew that i'd regret for my actions but still insist on doing it for no apparent reason. i was the one who's selfish. i was the one who couldn't think straight, and still can't. i now want you back so badly, but i know that it's impossible. not that it's impossible, but, if i was given a chance to turn back time, i will do the same thing. i mean, i still love you and all, but, somewhere in my heart, somewhere in my brain, something's telling me that it's not gonna work out in the end anyway, so why be so stubborn trying to hold onto a relationship that you know isn't gonna last forever? might as well just give each other some space, some time, lots of time in fact, to breathe, to think. to me, right now, i know it takes time for it to mend this broken heart, but everything's gonna turn out alright. if fate dictates, we shall meet again. time will tell, that's all i can say. who knows, you might find someone out there who loves you more than i do? good luck. xx

imma go sleep now, night night. :)

ps. maybe it's my period that's making me emo, or maybe it's songs like please don't go and last gift by shinee making me emo? :)

xoxo

2009-08-25T01:16:00.001+08:00

어젯밤 꿈속에 네가 내게 다가와
속삭인 그 말이 내 얼굴 만지던 그 머릿결이

꿈에서 깨보니 너무나도 선명한데
네가 있는 게 꿈이었단 걸 내 눈가에 고여진 눈물이 말해줬어

안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요
제발 한 번만 한 번만 날 다시 안아줘요
다시 눈감아 널 보러 가면 그 자리에 멈춘 나를 안아줘요

눈을 떠 보아도 네 모습만 선명한데
네가 있는게 꿈이었단 걸 내 눈물에 비춰진 슬픔이 말해줬어

안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요
제발 한번 만 한번 만 날 다시 안아줘요
다시 눈감아 널 보게 되면 그 자리에 멈춘 나를 안아줘요

애를 써 애를 써도 떼를 써 떼를 써 다시 돌아와

안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요
제발 한 번만 한 번만 날 다시 안아줘요
안돼요 안돼요 그렇게 가지마요
제발 한 번만 한 번만 날 다시 안아줘요
다시 눈감아 널 보러 가면 그 자리에 멈춘 나를 안아줘요

it has been two weeks, i hope that you have moved on without me...

你却不顾我的感受把我蒙在鼓里

2009-07-02T01:51:00.003+08:00

在你的誓言里,有几句是真心?

回想起我们的每分,每秒和每一滴,

你给的爱情假象,一点一点散离,

提心吊胆的问你是否还爱我,

但你总敷衍我或者是一句不说.

也许是你和我通电话时的安静,

透露出了你一直无法对自己坦白的秘密.

看着我的眼睛,tell me that you'll never lie baby.

我相信你对我说的那句,

你却不顾我的感受把我蒙在鼓里.

根本没猜到分开的两个月里,you've moved on without me,

我还在回忆里...

现在的我没勇气,面对现实的惨剧,

每一天,每一夜说服自己没有你的日子不会累,

我还能做什么,除了祝福你们快乐?

但当你牵她的手,吻她的嘴,

会不会感到你有罪？

2009-06-29T00:43:00.002+08:00

it's ever so stressful. perhaps one of the reasons why people break up is due to the pressure when they are sort of forced to meet their partner's family...

let go...

2009-06-22T02:46:00.002+08:00

something isn't right between us. perhaps there's a wall between us that built up over the 6 months when i was in the uk. both of us seem happy on the outside, but who knows, deep down, i don't really feel comfortable with tvk anymore. it's funny how his mouth can become so "hua" in a short period of time. i really felt uneasy when he kept on "hua-ing", or should i say, flirting, or maybe he was just joking?! i really have no idea. i am confused. i refuse to think about what will happen to the both of us, our relationship. but i do hope it will turn out fine in a couple of days. for instance, he stopped his car by the roadside just to ask if i'll be his girlfriend. i mean like hello, it's so bloody dangerous, like seriously, grow up. well, this whole thing started when he told me to go to his friend's birthday party together with him, and i was like, why should i? then i guess he was a bit in shock or something, then he popped the question, can you be my girlfriend? then i was like you're not the least bit romantic. then he stopped the car after a few minutes. so yeah. we're different now. very. i suppose we are of different worlds right now. maybe it's time for us to let go... who knows, who knows...

GASP!

2009-06-17T06:57:00.002+08:00

don't feel well these few days, feel terribly ill, and i suspect that i have swine flu... symptoms :

* fever {check.}
* cough {check.}
* runny nose or stuffy nose {no.}
* sore throat {check.}
* body aches {check.}
* headache {check.}
* chills {don't have.}
* fatigue or tiredness, which can be extreme {check.}
* diarrhea and vomiting {nope.}

hmm, i have most of the symptoms. maybe i do have swine flu, i shall spread it to you people back in malaysia. heh. no la, i'm just a little unwell, getting better, and the body aches + tiredness come from my menstruation. rofl. don't worry! i am tough, remember? :)

fighting!

xoxo

i wanted to barf right in your face, pardon me.

2009-06-11T08:29:00.003+08:00

let me just let it all out, please. just had a talk with my beautiful/understanding/very approachable hostess for about 2 hours, from 11pm to 1am. i was about to die and fall flat on the spot okay, can you actually imagine that?! i was about to barf right in her face if i hadn't stopped her. so the story started off like this...

last night, after dinner, i told her that she doesn't have to cook dinner for me and that i will cook myself as i will be going out, i have no idea if i actually told her that i was going to oxford to go for shopping. well anyway, i told her that i'll be back AROUND 8-9 o' clock, those were the exact words, and i can remember it clearly.

today, i went to oxford and came home late, about 11pm, but i actually texted her and all. i then called her, she then said that she would like to have a talk with me, so i was like okay then. and the talk, i tell you, i felt like vomiting throughout the whole thing, it was that horrid. well, no, honestly, i wasn't listening half of the conversation as i was paying attention to myself, well, obviously, i was about to barf. and she went on and on about how i am spoilt, how i don't appreciate food, how i don't respect her, how i don't respect anyone, how i only talk about money, how she didn't make us do the kitchen chores, she claims that she never expect us to do so, how we are not expected to clean the kitchen, how i waste my time, how i'm an idiot, how i use people, how i lie, how i am not honest, how i always have whatever the way i want, how i should have told her about the problems that we were facing instead of going to mrs oakes, how i always talk crap online, how i gossip about people, how i made people hate me, how i'm rich, how i don't appreciate, how i'm a 'dumb blonde', how i only go shopping, how i am aimless, how i have no balls, how i have no guts but have the confidence at the same time, how i am dirty by not making my bed etc. it took 2 hours! i sat there and listened, wanted to defend for myself, but SHE, will NEVER listen to the others. conclusion : why can't people just reflect upon themselves before commenting on the others? & as if she has balls, wait, on second thought, maybe she does have balls, hmm. sometimes she's so weird that it makes me wonder...

well, there's only one thing i have to say, thank you. thank you very much for letting me know that such person actually exists in this world, and that all the hatred in this world is because of the existence of people like you yourself. you analyzed my behavior and think that you're right, you said that i lied to you about going to oxford, but seriously, it just slipped my mind, why would i even bother lying to you about me going shopping at oxford, you ass. is it cause i went with boys? no. is it cause i will spend loads of money and that you will get upset? well, it's none of your business. so seriously, you claimed that i lied to you about going oxford and you never give me the chance to speak up for myself, and you said that i have no balls, like wtf. i told you that you are unapproachable, and it's not like you are going to do anything about it, are you? isn't it the same case for me, you told me that i am spoilt, and i am not gonna do anything about it, well, do you expect me to change? if you don't bother changing, so why do i even bother anyway? who are you to me. nose shit. wait no, you're even lower than that.

it's just funny how you like to contradict yourself. and that you say that i am confused. well, you, should really go for counseling, and stop analyzing others, because from what i see, all your conclusions are wrong, they're shit. so go fuck yourself and make yourself happy, you sex deprived saggy tits + ass. to prevent yourself from falling even deeper, and crankiness.

2009-06-09T04:27:00.005+08:00

yoohoo! came back from cambridge yesterday! had loads of fun as i get to spend some quality time with the loved ones, and got to meet some new friends! well, and came across some tofu-eaters! okay, imma let the pics do the talking, enjoy~

first clubbing experience, it was pretty fun i must say. but i realized, that clubbing ain't my thing. once in a while is okay i suppose but since i poop out way too easily so i shan't go so often. for me, clubbing is like exercising, but glamorously. lmao, no biggie. my thighs were killing me after like what, 15 minutes of dancing?! rofl. it was a good experience though! i'll just stick to my usual, green tea frap & karaoke & gossip & shopping!

xoxo

2009-06-04T05:09:00.000+08:00

♥

2009-05-28T02:18:00.000+08:00

you see right through me. ♥

两个人的回忆
雨过之后更难忘记

你不用在意
流泪也只是刚好而已
我早已经待在谷底

:'(

2009-05-25T07:00:00.000+08:00

why's life so tough?

& I Don't Wanna Be Like Cinderella.

2009-05-18T02:02:00.002+08:00

I don't wanna be like Cinderella,
Sitting in a dark old dusty cellar,
Waiting for somebody, to come and set me free
I don't wanna be like Snow White, waiting
For a handsome prince to come and save me,
On a horse of white, unless we're riding side by side,
Don't want to depend on no one else,
I'd rather rescue myself.

2009-05-18T00:39:00.003+08:00

MOTHER FUCKER!

SIGH.

2009-05-16T01:43:00.003+08:00

horrible day. i spilled iodine on myself, & i lost my ring. sigh. :'(

你最近還好嗎? 有再多的牽掛都已沒有權利表達

2009-05-15T06:19:00.003+08:00

問自己習慣了嗎
沒有你每到夜裡回聲變得好大
有沒有什麼好方法
讓寂寞變聽話

你最近還好嗎
是不是也在思念裡掙扎
你說會記得我還記得嗎

你最近還好嗎
忙碌嗎累嗎心還會痛嗎
如果真不得已忘了我
快向快樂出發

有再多的牽掛都已沒有權利表達　
舊情人給的問候比陌生人還尷尬　
昨天遠了明天還長回憶模糊但巨大
這樣的深夜眼淚要怎樣不流下

sigh...

me likey this.

love this blog, got that picture there, www.thecherryblossomgirl.com

2009-05-13T04:41:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MUMMY & CHAI YI WEI! In advance, that is!

I <3 YOU!!!

LONDON.

2009-05-13T02:26:00.001+08:00

Don't mess with me.

2009-05-11T02:03:00.000+08:00

rofl. that's my angry / bu shuang face. :)

xoxo

FISHY PAK*STANI TEA

2009-05-10T07:29:00.006+08:00

OH, I AM NOT DONE YET! LIKE, FEW WEEKS BACK, MY HOST, FROM PAK*STAN, ASKED ME AND ADELYNE [DO NOTE THAT WE ARE CHINESE] IF WE KNOW HOW TO MAKE CHINESE TEA. THEN WE JUST TOLD HIM THAT CHINESE USUALLY PUT HOT WATER TO THE CUP CONTAINING THE TEA LEAVES, AND THAT'S THE EASY WAY, THERE'RE LIKE SOME COMPLICATED WAYS TO MAKE CHINESE TEA, BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW HOW. AND THEN HE WAS LIKE NO, THAT'S NOT HOW YOU MAKE GOOD CHINESE TEA, LET ME SHOW YOU. :| THEN HE PUT HIS TEA LEAVES IN A...

...COOKING POT.

HE THEN POURED WATER INTO THE POT AND PUT THE POT ON THE...

...HOB.

HMM. A COOKING POT? RIGHT. BUT WON'T IT SMELL LIKE FISH/MEAT/WHATEVER THAT HAS BEEN IN IT? WELL, THEN AGAIN, IT MIGHT BE THE CORRECT WAY, THANK YOU, SIR IMR*N, FOR TEACHING ME HOW TO MAKE CHINESE TEA.

HMM.

2009-05-10T07:13:00.003+08:00

FUNNY HOW THIS THOUGHT CAME ACROSS MY MIND THE OTHER DAY. BUT, I REALLY THINK I HAD MILD DEPRESSION DURING MY ONE MONTH STAY IN THE EX-HOSTESS' BASEMENT. OKAY, THESE ARE THE SYMPTOMS, FEAST YOUR EYES :

# You feel miserable and sad. [CHECK! VERY VERY MISERABLE INDEED AS I WAS STUCK IN THAT BASEMENT, ALTHOUGH I WAS ALLOWED TO GO OUT, BUT STILL.]

# You feel exhausted a lot of the time with no energy . [CHECK! I SLEEP AT 8PM EVERY SINGLE DAY.]

# You feel as if even the smallest tasks are sometimes impossible. [EG DEFENDING MYSELF]

# You seldom enjoy the things that you used to enjoy-you may be off sex or food or may 'comfort eat' to excess. [HMM, I HAD THIS CRAVING FOR MARKS AND SPENCERS COOKIES, AND I THINK I PUT ON WEIGHT SINCE THEN.]

# You feel very anxious sometimes. [CORRECTION : ALL THE TIME.]

# You don't want to see people or are scared to be left alone. Social activity may feel hard or impossible. [SCARED TO BE LEFT ALONE. HAD FRIENDS PROBLEMS LAST TIME.]

# You find it difficult to think clearly. [MHMM.]

# You feel like a failure and/or feel guilty a lot of the time. [I FELT LIKE I HAVE NO FUTURE ANYMORE, I STILL FEEL THIS WAY, NO IDEA WHY THOUGH. MAYBE UK IS CURSING ME.]

# You feel a burden to others. [I DIDN'T EXACTLY TELL MY FAMILY ABOUT THE DETAILS AND STUFF, IN CASE THEY FREAK OUT, YES, I FELT LIKE I WAS A BURDEN.]

# You sometimes feel that life isn't worth living. [EVERY SINGLE SECOND.]

# You can see no future. There is a loss of hope. You feel all you've ever done is make mistakes and that's all that you ever will do. [TRUE, OH SO TRUE.]

# You feel irritable or angry more than usual. [HAHA, I MUST ADMIT.]

# You feel you have no confidence. [HMM, I PRETEND I'M CONFIDENT IN THE FIRST MONTH.]

# You spend a lot of time thinking about what has gone wrong, what will go wrong or what is wrong about yourself as a person. You may also feel guilty sometimes about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about them). [DITTO.]

# You feel that life is unfair. [YEAP.]

# You have difficulty sleeping or wake up very early in the morning and can't sleep again. You seem to dream all night long and sometimes have disturbing dreams.[EH, NO.]

# You feel that life has/is 'passing you by.' [YESS.]

# You may have physical aches and pains which appear to have no physical cause, such as back pain. [NOO.]

HMM, WELL, MAYBE I REALLY DO HAVE A MILD CASE OF DEPRESSION, BUT WHATEVER, I AM FINE NOW. :| GONNA SLEEP NOW, SWEET DREAMS, Y'ALL.

xoxo,
minnie. <3

RANDOM :)

2009-05-09T07:32:00.006+08:00

xoxo

誰比你賤

2009-05-09T05:04:00.001+08:00

你說你已寂寞三個月
非常懷念有我的從前
但是你前天更新的相簿
明明摟著一個正妹
你說她只是個好朋友
怎麼你說謊越來越弱
而為什麼我們都已經分手
我還有心痛的感受

誰比你賤戀愛只求新鮮
誰比你賤對誰都要欺騙
我慶幸我高興不用再被蹂躪

2009-05-08T04:40:00.001+08:00

MUST WATCH, ALL OF THEM! ALEX TAY, THESE VIDEOS ARE SO SAD. UNLIKE THOSE YOU POSTED ON YOUR BLOG. HAVE FUN CRYING! :'(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjgxuU2yB3A&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXyHUOn7GRA&feature=related

2009-05-06T06:03:00.001+08:00

lovely credit card, baby!

2009-05-06T05:52:00.002+08:00

ooh, my mum just skype-d me few minutes ago, and she showed me the credit card she got for me, heh, i didn't even ask from her, i love you mum! :) heh. thank yo! saranghae, oma! <3 whee~

TAN VOON KENT, YOU BETTER READ THIS.

2009-05-06T02:06:00.002+08:00

昨晚我好难入眠
不懂到底是怎么回事
想了好多好多
好伤心

今早一起床我就朝向电话那儿去
期待着你发给我的短讯
结果手机是空的
有点失望

没关系就打个电话
打着打着
只到打完了以后
不懂为什么就懒得关

就在这一刻我才想起
我一直以来犯下的错
虽然有人曾经提醒我
可是我把这给忘掉了
打完电话后我说完拜拜马上就把电话给挂断了
应该让她挂了电话后我再来挂

心里不懂为什么会内疚
不过我答应自己
我会做得更好。

I got this off a friend's blog. It's true, men should NEVER put down the phone before the girls do, ever. It's just plain rude, and it hurts sometimes as well. So, guys out there, never put down your phone before the girls!

你的爱飞很远

2009-05-03T03:21:00.001+08:00

你的爱飞很远...

HAPPY 57TH BIRTHDAY PAPA WONG! <3

2009-05-01T01:51:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 57TH BIRTHDAY PAPA WONG! <3

DADDY, YOU'RE A YEAR OLDER NOW, HOPEFULLY WISER AS WELL. HAH. :) WELL, MY DAD CAN'T USE THE COM SO I DOUBT HE CAN EVEN READ THIS POST. :( SIGH. BUT ALL I WANT TO SAY, IS THAT, I LOVE YOU A LOT! YOU'RE NO. 1 IN MY LIST, PA! AS IN THE WELL-RESPECTED LIST LA OF COURSE. BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I RESPECT YOU SO MUCH, I'M GONNA USE CAPITAL LETTERS FOR THE ENTIRE POST. TEEHEE. :) I KNOW I WAS QUITE REBELLIOUS LAST TIME, BUT I AM NOT ANYMORE. WELL, MAYBE A LIL SPOILT, BUT WHAT THE HECK, I AM LOVIN' EVERY MINUTE OF IT. HEH. OOH, I KNOW YOU ARE AGAINST ME DRINKING STARBUCKS LAST TIME, THAT' WHY I DON'T DRINK STARBUCKS OVER HERE. BUT WILL DRINK AS MUCH AS I CAN BACK HOME! :) YOU ARE GONNA PAY FOR ALL THE GREEN TEA FRAP, AREN'T YOU? :D ANYWAY, HAVE A GOOD ONE AIGHT! GO EAT KOREAN FOOD OR SOMETHING. :) PLEASE SNAP MORE PICS, THE WHOLE FAMILY INCLUDING ARLENE AND AUGUSTUS. :) PLEASEEE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY! <3

白羊

2009-04-30T04:39:00.002+08:00

白羊　　
　　
　　“白羊吗？太恐怖了！他们脾气大、暴力、瞧不起人，还是躲远些、小心为妙！”
　　　　如果你这末认为，那你可能就会失去一个肯为你付出生命的人。受火星的灼烧，白羊决不是人们想象中的那种冷血狂魔！
　　
　　
　　　　白羊的内心世界有两个：恨的世界与爱的世界。白羊的外显世界与内心世界是同步的，只不过由于他的“恨”意更昭显，以至于掩盖了他爱的那一面。
　　
白羊很善良，心中总是想着别人，很多时候愿意委屈自己而成全别人，但由于白羊不能掩饰自己的情感，凡事争锋，有什末不满就会立刻表露出来，于是不能将美事做尽，落个彻底的好人，反而最后还招来一鼻子灰！比如，白羊想看爱情连续剧，你想看科教片，于是你们就开始为了看什末而打假。如果你硬看科教片，则白羊会大吵大骂，最后“砰”的把电视给关上！白羊心里想，电视又不是你一个人的，凭什末只许你看不许我看？！你不让我看，你也别想看！但如果白羊占了上风，看上了爱情连续剧，而你默默的走开，则白羊一会儿又会觉得过意不去，心疼你，怕你不高兴，于是让你看。一句话，白羊是重形式不重实质，极度不能容忍别人挑战他的权威。
　　
　　
　　其实，白羊是那种死要面子活受罪的人。面子，比白羊的生命还重要！白羊最不能容忍的就是别人贬低他、瞧不起他！谁要是对白羊吼几嗓子，白羊能吼谁24 个小时。比如，上司若是责备白羊不当，则白羊就会气势汹汹的反责备上司，而且责备的更欢。上司责备他一句，他能责备上司10句！！当上司解雇了这个不肖员工以后，白羊不但不伤心，反而还有种壮烈感：“虽然丢了工作，但是丢得值！我当着那末多人的面骂了上司一顿，真是露脸！恩，同事们现在一定还在议论我的英雄事迹……”白羊边重新找工作边想，想着想着，自己便不禁暗笑起来，接着便是昂首阔步，得意洋洋，觉得自己真是了不起、不可一世！
　　
　　
　　白羊爱面子，都爱到了成癖的地步。白羊希望别人喜欢他、爱戴他、吹捧他，最好能对他前呼后拥、关怀备至。白羊男们总是感慨自己为何没能当上总统，白羊女们则从来都认为自己是总统夫人的料儿，只是不小心找错了男朋友！白羊总觉得自己是个天才，只是因为怀才不遇才沦落到今天这种无名小卒的地步。比如，白羊认为自己天生就是个艺术家，只是张艺谋导演没发现他。若是张导发现他，他一定比巩丽要出色的多！由于白羊喜欢那种高高在上的感觉，所以，只要你平素多吹捧着他、赞美着他，则他便会“累死不知死”的对你，你喜欢他怎样他就会怎样。
　　
　　
　　白羊很温柔，只要你没惹着他，你可以随便与他嬉戏。但如果你要是有什末一不小心的举动触犯了他，则最好赶快给自己准备个棺材。比如，白羊与你打情骂俏，很开心的气氛，双方都乐在其中。忽然，你一不小心，出手重了些，打痛了白羊，则白羊就会立刻瞪大眼睛、提高嗓门，把你骂个狗血喷头，甚至再狠狠的还你两个更重的巴掌。此时，欢乐的气氛一下陷入了僵局，弄得你心里别扭至极。但白羊却认为，闹归闹，你也总得有个限度吧，出手没轻没重，真是讨厌，我的漂亮的手都被你打红了！想着想着，白羊会更生气，弄不好再轰炸你一次～～～不过，过了10分钟，白羊又开始和你有说有笑，好象什末事情也没发生过。白羊凡事都来得快，去得也快，一般不记仇。
　　
　　
　　你也许会说：“白羊不记仇？怎末可能！他们总是抓住别人的错误不放！”但是，白羊确实不记仇，他们抓住别人的错误不放，实际上是为了时刻提醒对方，不要再犯同样的错误！比如，白羊的爱人有外遇，但经过一番周折，两个人又和好了。那末，在以后的生活中，白羊会时常责骂爱人当初是怎末的抛弃自己、自己是多末多末的不幸、自己的心灵受到了多大多大的创伤！白羊之所以会这末做，主要有两个原因：一方面，每当白羊想起这些，就会十分的激火、生气，于是非骂爱人一顿不可，以解心头之恨；另一方面，白羊这末做是要时刻提醒爱人，以后不能再有外遇了，变相给爱人敲警钟！
　　
　　
　　白羊是那种把自己的快乐建筑在别人的痛苦之上的人，因为白羊爱满处宣扬别人的溴事。比如，他会在大庭广众之下，说你们小时候一起玩耍时你不小心尿了裤子，更或者，他会对你的心上人说你有爱挖鼻孔的习惯（偶服了白羊了～～～）。但是，白羊并不觉得说这些有什末不可以，因为在白羊心里，这些都是那末的美好，是童年的回忆、是人生百态的小花絮。他们说你的溴事，仅仅是因为他们觉得好玩，觉得很甜美，能给人带来乐趣，把别人的目光都集中到自己身上来，让别人认为自己是开心果！白羊完全没有挖苦你、拆你爱情道路的意思，只是结果往往……
　　
　　
　　白羊天生气质非凡，人中龙凤。白羊的人生宗旨是“活出自己”。由于白羊天性中有桀骜的一面，于是在与人相处的时候，就不自觉的流露出一种傲慢的气息。由于白羊的这种不自觉的摆谱儿，以至于不了解白羊的人都躲着白羊，因为他们觉得白羊看不起人。但如果有个机会接触了白羊，则人们又会认为白羊是那末的好接近、那末的好心肠。白羊自己觉不出自己的傲慢，心中只是暗暗纳闷：为什末别人总躲着我，我是多末的平易近人、和蔼可亲啊！！！
　　白羊多没主见，耳朵根儿软，自己做好坏分析的能力很差。白羊极富正义感，喜欢让不公正的事情昭雪。但是，由于白羊的没主见，使得白羊的正义感带有一厢情愿的色彩。比如，白羊认为从一而终是种正义，于是，任何发生婚外情的人都会受到白羊的谴责与蔑视。白羊认为，我一生下来，父母、老师就告诉我要从一而终，难道我坚持从一而终还会有错误吗？！白羊不明白，任何的一桩善也是一桩恶，正义与否远非能用是否从一而终而简单定论。这也可从一个侧面反映出白羊是个简单的人，任何复杂的事情到白羊手中都会变得简单、易行（人生能有这种魄力也实在是一件美事）。
　　
　　
　　白羊对待感情亦是反应神速。若你向白羊示意爱慕之情，则白羊若喜欢你，第二天你们便成了情侣；若白羊不喜欢你，就会躲你远远的。你若穷追不舍，他还会一点面子不留的直指责你：“躲我远点，我不喜欢你！否则我打你！”（汗～～～）在白羊心中，喜欢就是喜欢，讨厌就是讨厌，没那末多的的暧昧不清。
　　
　　
　　白羊喜欢那种有惊世骇俗之举的人，因为白羊觉得只有这种人才配得上自己。比如，你们约会，到了吃饭的时间，你最好带白羊去钓鱼台吃，就算你的钱只够在钓鱼台喝瓶矿泉水，白羊也会因你的这个壮举而爱死你；你若带白羊去吃街头的麻辣烫，那末你就做好被白羊蹬了的准备吧！
　　
　　
　　白羊的性欲很旺盛{thank you, thank you.}，但由于他们很顾及自己的面子，所以总是光想不练。换句话说，就是白羊的意淫很严重。比如，在公共汽车上，身边坐着一个漂亮MM或GG，于是，白羊就开始对其产生了无尽的有关性的想象……由于白羊的行动力超强，所以做起爱来也是超神速。

check this out, it's quite accurate for me! :)

http://bbs.cnwest.com/thread-80705-1-1.html

i feel naked whenever i'm with you & you can always see right through me

2009-04-27T03:54:00.003+08:00

I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
'Cause life is like a game sometimes

But then you came around me
The walls just disappeared
Nothing to surround me
And keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up
Oh, you've made me trust

Because I've never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right

I'm trying to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself and let the
Covers fall away
I guess I never had someone like you
To help me, to help me fit
In my skin

I never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right

I'm naked
Oh oh yeah
Does it show?
Yeah, I'm naked
Oh oh, yeah yeah

I'm so naked around you
And I can't hide
You're gonna see right through, baby

OH, & THIS IS SO AWESOME! LOVE HER TATTOO! <3

2009-04-19T08:49:00.001+08:00

old skin, where are you? :'(

this pic was taken in form 5 (around jan - march i think). SIGH.

2009-04-16T00:52:00.003+08:00

economics? or anthropology & law?

decisions are hard to make!

to drop chem, or not to drop chem after AS?

to take up econs, or not to take up econs?

*confused* *aimless*

& she needs directions.

2009-04-14T07:41:00.004+08:00

she really needs to start studying. she doesn't want the same thing to happen twice. she wants to score straight As which seems rather impossible for her. she wants to get into a good university so that her future will be secured. but. she is aimless right now. someone needs to give her some directions. like what to do in the future as nothing fascinates her at the moment. she once had an ambition for 12 years : being a doctor. this ambition faded when she went to secondary. she then slacked. she skated through her secondary years. she couldn't remember what she actually did, study-wise. and now. all she could do is file her papers neatly, and that's it. she doesn't have the motivation to study. it has always been like this. and she wonders why. part of her says go study, but the other part tells her not to, and she has the time of her life. she breaks down sometimes trying to find where her motivation is. but failed miserably. she needs motivation.

Don't you ever cheat, baby.

2009-04-12T03:05:00.003+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MA9a_emwaBQ

Even if i cheat, don't you ever cheat, baby.
Even if i forget you, don't you ever forget me, lady.
Sometimes i don't contact you, and drink alcohol.
If i ever meet another girl, and our eyes meet, but you can only look at me.

When you've stayed up all night waiting for me, your tears tell me that i've changed, but my feeling towards you are still the same.
All those nights, i feel miserable without you.
Sometimes without you, i find it hard to breathe.
The endless arguments, the long sighs, the only one you can lean on is me.
I hate that i got sick of you.
I laughed today, i am starting to lose myself without knowing it.

Rofl. Cuute. ;)

IDIOTS.

2009-04-09T23:51:00.003+08:00

I AM SO BLOODY PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. MY IDIOTIC UNCLE. MY IDIOTIC AUNT. IDIOTIC JIA WEI. AND NICE AH KENT. PFT. THE ENTIRE FAMILY, WHICH CONSISTS OF 4 FAMILY MEMBERS WHO ALWAYS GET ON MY NERVES. UGH.

I love you, baby, you're all I wanted, I'll be your lady. Will you be able to accept my all? Convince your heart to open your closed door...

2009-04-08T07:39:00.002+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJNT6ntS83g&feature=channel_page

awesome cover done by asiancovers!

Every countless dream
Nothing has been changing
I'm always thinking of you
It's the only thing I can do

Many years roll by
You're always still on my mind
I just can't seem to let you go
I need to let you know

Each and every glance
Makes my heart beat fast
I'm afraid I won't remember to breathe

Every step you take
Every move you make
Don't know why I get so nervous and weak

I love you baby
You're all I wanted
Ill be your lady
Someday I might have the strength to unfold
My secretive soul
Will you be able to accept my all?

Please tell me
That you wanted me too
Don't disappoint me
Why do I get the feeling of rejection?
I never felt
My emotions get the better of me
To keep my confessions

As you lean on your bed
You think of me as a friend
I want you as something more
Convince your heart open your closed door

Tears run down my cheeks
As I fall on my knees
I cry endlessly at nights
Too scared that you'll say goodbye

Each and every glance
Makes my heart beat fast
I'm afraid I wont remember to breathe

Every step you take
Every move you make
Don't know why I get so nervous and weak

I love you baby
You're all I wanted
Ill be your lady
Someday I might have the strength to unfold
My secretive soul
Will you be able to accept my all?

Please tell me
That you wanted me too
Don't disappoint me
Why do I get the feeling of rejection?
I never felt
My emotions get the better of me
To keep my confessions

♥06.04.2009♥

2009-04-06T07:29:00.005+08:00

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

eighteen and legal, baby. ooh yeah~

xoxo

p/s i feel a tad older. dang.

YEARNING...

2009-04-06T05:15:00.011+08:00

BEAUTIFUL SONG ~ GO ON, LISTEN! I AM IN LOVE WITH PARK HYO SHIN'S VOICE...

http://www.imeem.com/yusoof/music/BZ3qMCZC/park-hyo-shin-geu-rib-go-geu-ri-oonyearningyearn/

THIS SONG MADE ME FALL IN LOVE, ONCE AGAIN. ROFL. ALTHOUGH I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE SONG. MMM. I LOVE YOU, TVK.

AND I MISS YOU GUYS, THUNG WAI KIT, AH PEK OOI, ALEX TAY, YIP JOEY, TAN HUIA LEE.

TWK. <3

AH PEK.

YIPPP.

THL.

P.S ALEX DOESN'T HAVE SKYPE.

xoxo

fatso

2009-04-02T03:04:00.003+08:00

无条件为你不顾明天的安稳
为你变坚强相信你的眼神
不敢想不敢问
有一天坏的可能

无条件为你放弃单独的旅程
为你坚强就不怕牺牲
我的灵魂如此沸腾
为我爱的人
喜欢复杂还是习惯单纯
我愿尽力完成你在我心中几分

xoxo
minyan <3

p/s yes i know i know, i put on weight, give me a break man! :) oh, and one more thing, don't ask me why i have super thick eyeliner on, the pics just turned out like that. so ugly.

2009-03-30T06:25:00.001+08:00

I ABSOLUTELY HATE BEING ACCUSED! AND NOT BEING ABLE TO DEFEND MYSELF!

2009-03-24T08:23:00.002+08:00

"Homestay Programme

Our homestay programme has operated successfully for many years using selected local families. High quality accommodation is arranged, taking account of student preferences. All homestays are carefully checked. Students are housed in individual rooms and meals are provided. The accommodation officer works with the welfare officers to ensure high standards of care

CxC offers a wide selection of host families, most of whom have been with CxC for many years. Students can specify the type of family they prefer: young/elderly; with children/no children etc. They can also choose to be the only student in a family or together with other students from the College."

I got this off my scool's website. Well, i certainly do not think so. Let us all have a look :

- selected local families : check!

- high quality accommodation : err...

- taking account of student preferences : check!

- all homestays are carefully checked : i think i can sue them for this! my previous hostess has depression! and had suicidal thoughts! talk about carefully checked homestays huh...and my ex-hostess did not even hand in her consent form, which means she could kick me out anytime she wants! >:(

- individual rooms : check!

- meals : check! but yucky food!

- high standards of care : erm, hello, my current hostess is treating me and my housemates like maids, and called the school and accuse us of treating her like a maid in return. if this is their definition of high standard, i wonder how bad low standard turns out to be.

well, something happened today... will blog about it soon... quite big laa, but i am tough! don't worry. :)

p/s : wongminsin, do not tell mum and dad!

dear wai kit

2009-03-22T08:19:00.005+08:00

oh, yes and wai kit felt emo just now. cause apparently something good happened to him, wtf. i know right? but oh well, he's being wai kit. :) and the fact that he said "i miss you, joey, and stanley!" made my day. :) and for that, imma post a pic of us, rofl, here you go :

he is so gonna kill me! love you! :P bye!

to : a friend whom i do not talk to anymore

2009-03-22T07:55:00.003+08:00

if this post was meant for me...

"i feel so bad today.
my i dont even dare to find u to tell u my problems.

i felt that i was totally damaged by my freinds.
i m not as tough as i thought.
i have changed a lot.
i feel sorry to myself.
why should i?
why i am so easy influenced?
why?

i m perhapes a weak person.
a LOSER.
i cant even have my own opinion.
following what they want to do.
is it what i want?

i want to escape from here.
back to my normal life with better friends
well mannered.
not like now
bad influence.
even a good friend left me.

its a GREAT punishment to me.
i should learn from it.
not escaping from it particularly.
i tried to say good things bout u ad.
i tried.
but do u ever notice.

i m so lonely.
far away from my country.

you are so near yet so far."

i do appreciate the fact that you say good things about me, but seriously, i do not care about what they say, it's just plain childish. and i am okay with the cat now. less arguments and whatsoever.

if you realized, the main reason why we are not talking anymore is cause we do not talk in school. and that is indeed the hardest part for me. cause you are like my closest friend in school, only you, know everything about me in ctc. and whenever i have problems, i can talk to you easily, and we click quite well.

okay, so when i am having problems at night, yes, i can look for you cause we talk online. what about morning and afternoon during school hours? what if i have problems during the day? that is where the major problem comes. i can't even talk to you with the presence of your three fellow friends. because you do not even appreciate my existence.

i am not saying that this is your fault or anything. well, maybe it's my fault. cause i have a different definition of a close friend. a close friend, to me, is someone who i can count on, rely on, whenever, wherever, not just by talking online.

i am sorry that i am being so honest right now. but i can't help the way i feel. i mean i don't mind being friends again, but as for close friends, i am not sure, what if i have problems during the day again, like the other day when i was so depressed in school and had no one to talk to, i couldn't talk to you, i couldn't cry in school, what do you want me to do... i really don't know...

2009-03-13T04:14:00.000+08:00

I AM SO STUPID. I AM SO FUCKED UP. I AM SO SCREWED. I AM SO DUMB. I AM SO LOUSY.

冷战

2009-03-12T08:13:00.000+08:00

你把我當成石膏再不跟我吵是不是一種預告
假裝都看不到不再重要我不會再跟你鬧

無言是一種毒藥更像一把刀切開我們的擁抱
到底愛剩多少需要思考承諾隨愛蒸發掉

不想再當配角安靜讓我動搖我想逃跑
我聽到你冷戰的心跳兩敗俱傷的記號閃躲不了
我知道莫名奇妙求饒也不會是解藥不如棄權走掉

面對冷的空氣冷的牆壁冷到昏迷冷到我真的快窒息
冷戰到何時能平息放我離去

無言是一種毒藥更像一把刀切開我們的擁抱
到底愛剩多少需要思考承諾隨愛蒸發掉

不想再當配角安靜讓我動搖我想逃跑
我聽到你冷戰的心跳兩敗俱傷的記號閃躲不了
我知道莫名奇妙求饒也不會是解藥不如棄權走掉

面對冷的空氣冷的牆壁冷到昏迷冷到我真的快窒息
冷戰到何時能平息放我離去

我聽到你冷戰的心跳兩敗俱傷的記號閃躲不了
我知道莫名奇妙求饒也不會是解藥不如棄權走掉
面對冷的空氣冷的牆壁冷到昏迷冷到我真的快窒息
就讓回憶停止呼吸成冰

我聽到你冷戰的心跳兩敗俱傷的記號閃躲不了
我知道莫名奇妙求饒也不會是解藥不如棄權走掉
面對冷的空氣冷的牆壁冷到昏迷冷到我真的快窒息
冷戰到何時能平息放我離去

one friend, gone. the end of our friendship.

2009-03-12T05:07:00.003+08:00

i just lost a guy friend, he is the only guy who i consider as friend in my college. we get along quite well, no problem at all. but we only talk online, because some of his friends hate me. well, three to be exact. four of them are always together. so i guess he will be the outcast if he stands up for me or whatsoever. i do understand how he feels. but i do feel insulted. like what are you trying to do? take me for granted? he is nice though. like in school, he pretends that he doesn't know me. and i told him that he's a loser. it's tough for him, but it's tough for me as well, no? so i decided not to talk to him anymore, since i don't see the point of continuing our friendship. well, more like cyber-friendship thingy going on. oh well. hopefully he'll learn how to stand on his ground and do what's right and what's wrong. i do hope that he'll be happy and that he has someone to talk to. all the best. and i shall not post any pics or reveal his identity. this is the most i can do. that's it for now.

beautifullllll

2009-03-11T07:17:00.002+08:00

今天期中考，学校早一点放学，我打了通电话给他。　　
：喂，我今天比较早放学，你来载我回家好不好？　　
：好，等我五分钟。　　
：五分钟？我学校就在你家旁边耶。　
：我总要打扮一下啊。　　
：好啦，快一点喔。　
　　　
下午2：00，太阳大的让我有种冲动想喷鼻血，我站在树荫下挥动着手，虽然没凉到哪里去，但是煽总比不煽好。　
　　　
五分钟过了，他还没来，我看看手表，有点不高兴，十分钟过了，他还没到..，该不会出了什么事吧？呸呸呸...乌鸦嘴，十五分钟过了，他总算到了。　

：怎么这么慢？　　
他一副无所谓的样子说：没啊，看个电视。　
　　　
什么？看个电视？你要不要顺便睡个觉洗个澡吃个饭再来？我没有说话，没有拿安全帽，没有上车的瞪着他。　　
：对不起。　　
　　
这是他第一次对我说对不起，他是一个很大男人主义，爱面子的男生，所以他从不像女生低头说对不起，我看着他，好吧，似乎面有惭色，我带上安全帽，让他载我回家。　　
　　
他总是这样，从来不解释，不争论，不跟我吵架，只跟我说对不起，有些事，不是一句对不起就能解决的，但是他都跟我道歉了，我也就没再追究下去，他说，我是第一个让他说对不起的女生。　　
　　
认错需要很大的勇气，但是他从来都没有改进他的错误，对不起反而变成一种打发我的话。在他说第59次对不起时，我流着泪，低下头说：你不要再跟我说对不起了，如果你无法改变，就不要让我给你一次又一次的机会，相信你会改变。他轻轻的拥着我，说了第60句对不起。　　
　　
虽然如此，他还是没有改变，不做任何的解释，我开始怀疑他是不是有事瞒着我。　　：你最近怎么了？　　
：没有啊。　　
：那你为什么心情不好？　　
：没有啊。　　
：又是没有啊，你除了这句话以外没有别的吗？你知不知道我很担心，很没有安全感，你到底有没有当我是你女朋友？　　
：...对不起。　　
：我不要听你说对不起。　　
　　
我挂了电话，他也没有打来，他根本就不在乎我，也许，我们该结束ㄌ..........这是他说的第99句对不起....。　　

从那天开始，我再也没有找过他，他也没有打电话给我，有时候，我会接到一通无声的电话，但是我喂了几声，就挂了，有一种直觉是他，但是他为什么都不说话？一个月之后，我按奈不住思念的心情决定到他学校找他，我在教室外东张西望的，就是没有看到他的人影，我随便抓了一个男生来问。　　
：同学，请问一下，梦伟今天有来吗？　
：他休学了。　　
：啊？为什么？什么时候的事？　　
：他已经一个月没来了。　　
：...喔..谢谢。一个月..一个月没来，怎么会呢？　　

我跌跌撞撞的回到家..拨他的手机：您的电话已经为您转到语音信箱，请在嘟一声...。我挂了电话，打到他家，响了好久都没有人接，怎么会？全家移民吗？他仿佛是从这世界上消失了一样，没有一点痕迹。　　

他该不会另结新欢了吧？我开始胡思乱想，我找不到他..，正当我烦恼的时候，电话突然响了，是阿立打来的，他是梦伟的死党也是我的好友。　　
　　
：喂，你还在干嘛啊？　　
：什么？　　
　　
：ㄚ伟在医院啦。　　
：真的？他怎么了？　　
　　
：没有啦，他在○○医院，就是你上次住的那一家。　　
：我马上去。　　
　　
我立刻用我出生以来最大的速度飙到那家医院，在医院看到了他****和妈妈，我向他们问了他在哪一间病房之后，就急忙的飞奔而去。　　
　　
他躺在床上，眼睛看着我，没有说话，没有起床，一动也不动的。　　：喂，你怎么了？为什么不通知我呢？　　
　　
他没有回答我，只是一直用同样的眼神看着我。　　
：回答我啊，你为什么不说话？　　
他眼角留下了一滴泪，身体仿佛用了最大的力气，牵动着嘴角　　
：...对不起...。说完，他闭上了眼睛。　　
：喂，你别装了好不好，为什么要说对不起，我不要你说对不起啊，你起来啊，回答我啊。　　
　　
我哭倒在他床边，拉着他的衣服哭喊着：你为什么要说对不起，连说服我的理由都没有？我不会原谅你，你起来啊，你说对不起没有用啊，你不起来我这辈子都不会原谅你，我求求你....睁开眼睛啊...。　　
这是他说的一百句对不起...一群医生和护士拉开我，开始抢救他，我全身没有力气再站起来，我的头脑一片空白，眼前一片漆黑..。　　
他没有离开这个世界，只是我永远都无法触摸到他，但他有时也会在我的梦中出现，告诉我他过的好不好。　　
　　
他还是陪着我，还是活着，在我心里，他依然如昔，还是会笑着叫我咏熙，叫我老婆，只是..他不再对我说对不起了...。　　
　　
过了几个月，他妈妈来找我，给了我一个盒子，里面装的，是一百张照片，每一张照片的背面，都写着它让我生气的事情。　　
第一次对不起，老婆，我今天不是故意迟到的，我也知道理由很烂，但是我真的不忍心说实话，我在出门前突然心脏绞痛，但是我已经尽量赶了，原谅我好吗？
第二次对不起?老婆，我.......... 　　第三次对不起，老婆，我... 　　
................................ 　　
............................ 　　
................... 　　
................ 　　
........... 　　
......... 　　
..... 　　
第一百次对不起，老婆，我不是狠心要丢下你，只是上帝似乎不给我这个机会让我爱你一辈子，为你带上戒指，你是我第一个让我说对不起的女孩，也是我第一个想共度一生的女孩，原谅我不能给你幸福，我会化作天使，守护着你，看着你得到幸福，答应我，别哭，我不要看到你为了我憔悴流泪的样子，我爱你。bye 梦伟　　
　　
我怎么可能不哭，你的要求太严苛了，最后一张照片，是他在医院理拍的，照片上他笑的很灿烂，他变的好瘦，脸色好苍白，但是他还是露出了笑容，拍这第
　　
一百张照片。　　
　　
在他最虚弱罪痛苦的时候，我没有陪着他。　　
对不起。　　
我抱着他的照片，泪流不止！！
愿天下所的情人.
愿你们能珍惜眼前的人,不要失去后才懂得珍惜...

FOURTH QUIZ

2009-03-11T06:45:00.000+08:00

Your kindness is your charm - you are also gentle and sweet. Everybody likes to be around people with your personality. Like a psychologist, people like to talk to you to discuss their problems because you are proper and discrete, as well as confident. You look mature and people respect you. People with this kind of character are few and far between.

2009-03-11T06:17:00.002+08:00

love life : screwed up.

social life : fucked up.

skin condition: point of no return. :|

surprise surprise! ;)

2009-03-11T04:24:00.002+08:00

THIRD QUIZ

Love at first sight is your style. You are not fussy about who you fall for, and often there seems to be no rational reason for you deciding to love someone, it just happens and you'll follow your heart. When you do fall for someone, you fall completely. Your love is somewhat child-like, or what people like to call "puppy love". While following your heart is important, you should also remember to use your head occasionally.

THIS IS SOO NOT TRUE OKAY. PFT. YES, I DO FOLLOW MY HEART, BUT I OFTEN THINK BEFORE I TAKE ANY ACTIONS. WELL, MOST OF THE TIME. ;)

another one! rofl. :)

2009-03-11T04:20:00.001+08:00

SECOND QUIZ

1. You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.

2. You don't really care about other people's feelings. You do things the way you want and usually think only about yourself. You are easy-going and love to have fun, but you can be irresponsible as well. You are not keen on serious discussions because they can make you remember that life isn't always about parties.

3. You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.

4. Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

5. Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

try this!

2009-03-11T04:12:00.002+08:00

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

I got this off my sister's blog. And this is what i got :

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

In my perspective, it is partly true, well, very true, i suppose, this is the me right now. :( I hate it.

06.04.2009

2009-03-11T01:36:00.003+08:00

I am preparing for my worst/loneliest birthday ever. My family won't be here to celebrate with me, my loved ones and my friends, since i am all the way in uk. Yes, i know i chose to come here. But, but... gahh. I feel so lonely over here. :'(

New Room = A New Start...

2009-03-09T09:03:00.001+08:00

Wong Min Yan is 100% Dumb.

2009-03-09T07:35:00.007+08:00

Okay, when i am taking the initiative to do my mathematics homework, i can't do it. What in the world is wrong with me? I am doing geometric progression right now, but i have no idea how to do. Wtf. :( I am dumb. I am dumb. I am dumb. I am dumb. I am dumb. I am dumb.

Evidence for how dumb she is :

:'(

MINYAN'S BACK.

2009-02-20T01:44:00.004+08:00

Hello folks! Some people told me that I disappeared, rofl. That’s not true. I was leading a miserable life before this. So yeah. I know that I haven’t been blogging for a long time, so ta-dah, here I am. :) I promise that this will be a looong post, I promise! ;)

Okay, so what have I been doing? Nothing, absolutely nothing. All I do is go to school, attend lessons, do my weekly tests, go home, cry, like wtf right. Especially during winter! Winter is soo dull, soo boring. Just so you know, I have been depressed for about a month, eversince I came to UK and ended up with a hostess who has depression and suicidal thughts. Okay, things are not that bad actually, when my sister came over. But, she freaked me out by telling me how she’s not comfortable with my hostess and stuff, and guess what, she was right, my hostess has some problemS. I am in a new house together with 2 housemates, namely Adelyne and Win Zu now, good for me, no more lonely nights. :) Awesomosity!

Firstly, imma list down my weekly tests results:
(i) Biology : 50 something and 70 something [I should really start studying!]

(ii) Chemistry : 19/20 and 20/20 [I know right, Mr Yow will be so proud of me! But honestly, the tests were very easy, but my point is, that I am hardworking right now. I used to copy all my homework. However, I do half and copy half now. Well, it might still sound like I’m lazy! But what the heck, I improved A LOT, no?]

(iii) IELTS : 7.0

(iv) Statistics : 80 [FYI, I got the second highest! Heh. :) There are only 8 students for this subject, pathetic, I know. Oh, there’s this guy in my class, Warren, he got 100! :O The 20 marks difference un-made my day when we got back our test papers. Rofl.]

(v) Maths : 75 [I got the lowest for maths!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! I swear I really didn’t know how to do. My cousin got 100, naturally, and some other people got 100 as well. Gahh. I need to polish up my maths! I hate maths now! I am against it!]

Let’s move on! :) A recap of my life before and after arriving at the UK :
(i) Farewell dinner (13.01.09) : It was just a simple dinner, pizza and everything, I think I still owe Voon Kent money, rofl. Oh, before that, Alex came over to m house cause he couldn’t make it to the dinner, god knows why I am not as important as whatever he was supposed to do. He gave me this bread pillow. It was so friggin cute. But sad. The bread pillow was a sad face, there were tear drops on it, like wtf right, he just wanted me to feel worse. But I really appreciate it! Will bring it over in September. Wai Kit, Lam, Stanley Lum, Hui Xian, Kar Mun, Kah Ken and Voon Kent came for the dinner. We played truth or dare after that, which was hilarious. I could only remember the time when I had to lick my dirty foot, which I did! ;) I remember Voon Kent’s face, haha, that boy. <33 He was obviously disgusted. “Eew, don’t ever kiss me again!” After the dinner, at about 11 or 12, I can’t recall, I gave everyone their cactus. :) Wai Kit, Alex and Voon Kent’s ones were the special ones as they have been sitting in my toilet for ages, and the smell of my fart/shit/urine were all absorbed into the soil, that’s why they all looked so good. Not sure whether they looked after the catus or not. I came up with a conclusion, if they treat my as a good friend, and if I am important to them, the cactus should be in good condition right now, but if they don’t take me seriously, eg Lam and Stanley Lum, oh, and Kah Ken as well, I am very sure that the cacti have gone down the dump ages ago.

(ii) Airport day (14.01.2009) : It was a terrible timing, I learned a lesson, never fly on a weekday, specially in the morning. All the good friends couldn’t come, I wanted them to show up so badly, but there was nothing that I could do, was there? They had to go to school. But VK and Stanley went. :) And they almost missed me, by like a minute? I was already in front of the door thingy, then I called them and everything, wondering where the fuck they were, and all we got to do was hug and that’s it, in that few minutes we could barely talk. So lousy. So fucked up. :(

(iii) MAS : I was pretty tough on the plane, well, I did tear a lil when my cousin, Yau Mun was asleep, rofl. I refused to show him my weak side. Basically, the whole flight was okay. Wasn’t that upset yet, mhmm.

(iv) Arrived at the UK : The taxi driver, omg, the horror. He charged us 65 pounds each! Such a rip off! But what can one do when you’re in a foreign country. :( It will only cost us 2 pounds if we took the X26 bus from Heathrow airport to Croydon, rofl. I am doing that the next time. The taxi driver was so vulgar, he was definitely worse than me, imagine! I swear a lot, but he swears way more! He didn’t know the way to my house, and he got paranoid. We were quite scared to be honest with you, thinking that he might kill us and things like that.

to be continued...

imma meet joey now! :)

far far away...

2009-01-23T17:56:00.002+08:00

here i am, over in croydon...

how am i?
i am fine, everything's okay. not very emo these days, just a lil lonely. well, maybe more than that.

how's school?
the school looks pretty much like the one you saw in teilight, rofl, so edward cullen-ish.

what about the teachers?
my chem teacher is not bad, mr oakes, i don't actually fall asleep. heh, good improvement. my bio teacher, she's freaky, and, very very weird. she keeps on laughing to herself. amusing, i thought. and same old minyan fell asleep during her first statistics class. awesome.

to be continued...:(

14th of January 2009, bye all, be well.

2009-01-14T00:35:00.002+08:00

leaving soon, hopefully it won't be emotional...

i am...

tough.

erase all my memories...

2009-01-10T23:28:00.006+08:00

a

l

l

o

f

t

h

e

m

...

BRING IT ON!!!

2009-01-10T01:55:00.005+08:00

according to some sources from abbey college over in Cambridge. there are a few bitches over there. whoever you are, bring it on, motherfucker! don't you dare mess with my friends!!! what goes around comes around, fucking bitches! whatever you did, i bet it's nasty. "me no pray pray okay! me gonna chop you into slices and feed you to the pigs!" me say. *pissed off*

correction : WANNABE bitches :)

minyan, where are you?

2009-01-04T23:20:00.009+08:00

she feels, rather empty, rather emotionless. she can't think properly, she can't think at all. she's gone, gone for good.

talk to me, MRS NEWSOME, pleasee.

2009-01-04T22:20:00.004+08:00

i've been trying to call my hostess over in the uk, but no one ever picks up the phone. gahh. :'( they hate me. i think i called more than 30 times already. bahh. :'(

mrs newsome, please, pleaseee pick up the phone, please, i beg you. :(

*i managed to call her already. thanks, fiona newsome. :)*

HELP. SAVE ME. :)

2009-01-01T19:03:00.007+08:00

i was reading my sister's blog and i saw this :

"Mummy claims that she’ll LOCK her up to prohibit her from going out with her friends!!no more going to Genting as her “boyfriend” is working there!!"

poor me. sigh. i only went up to genting ONCE, and my mum wants to lock me up. my entire family claims that i am not trustworthy at all. so not true.

speaking of locking someone up, this is what i have in my mind :

sad huh. :'( oh well. the youngest one = the naughtiest one, no? heh, winner. XD not that i'm proud or anything, but deep within me, i'm not that naughty, just a little. like, very little. :) oh, and just a few minutes ago, my dad said "ah yan ah, don't be naughty ah!!" :| i didn't want to say. :( i'm a bad daughter, but they should know that i love them, i really really do. :'(

HAPPY 2009!!!

2009-01-01T13:23:00.006+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

: i want to grow taller, at least 170cm *that means 4 more cm to go, gahh.:(*

: i want to lose my tummy, which seems like an impossible dream.

: i want better skin, no acne and all.

: i want fairer skin as well. :)

: i want skinnier legs.

: i want better features.

: i want my armpit hair to be gone, forever. same goes for my leg hair. *waxing is soo troublesome.*

: i want to score straight As for SPM. *at least 9 la, pretty pleaseee.*

: i want to get into top 10 uni in the UK. *pray very very hard.*

: i want more $$. ;)

: i want to marry a tycoon. *preferably a korean or an ang moh. mmm. delicious! XD*

: i want a business of my own.

: i want to learn how to play the stocks thingy.

: i want to celebrate cny!!! *the food, the $$$, the gambling, the drinking...*

: i don't want to fall sick.

: i want all my family members to be happy. my dad, mum, two sisters, granny, and all the other relatives. and that includes my dog, augustus. he seems unhappy recently. *augustus ah, go find a girlfriend laa, permission is given, go fuck whoever you want to laa okay.* :)

: i want my family to be healthy, very healthy.

: i want my dad to earn more moeny. *i need more money to go shopping, daddy.:(*

: i want all my friends to lead a happy life. *voonkent(find a very very fierce girlfriend, please), waikit(this one also, go get a girlfriend, don't bully her!), alex (don't be so emo la, and you want a boyfriend, see, i know you well), joey (get a new bf to buy you all the bags in the world), kar mun, lam...*

me love me family.

2008-12-31T14:46:00.006+08:00

top : minyan. me eldest sister, minvoon. me second sister, minsin.
bottom: me grandmother, ah ne. me mama.

minvoon. minyan. me mama. me papa.

me papa.

me mama.

heh. me maid. me dog, augustus wire rock.

me dog, teddy. gone on the 29th of february 2008. :(

ALEX TAY EE MENG, I HATE YOU TOO.

2008-12-31T12:31:00.010+08:00

ALEX TAY EE MENG, I HATE YOU!!!

this is what i have to say after reading your bloody post :

"Wong Min Yan. If you're reading this I wanna say how much I hate you. =.=". Yes HATE. I know you're in S'pore now but why can't you fucking let me call you bitch! Voon Kent call you nvm la but I call you then different story la now? =.=". I need youu Min Yan. I can't imagine life without you."

i didn't pick up the bloody phone is to save money for you la woman. do you know how expensive it is, and you never have any credit to call anyway. i'm telling you this over and over again. and yet, you're still angry. mehh. oink.

"Today I shall dedicate my post to my EX-Best Friend. Wong Min Yan. She has this "Wong's curse". I don't wanna tell you guys about it but well, GUYS ought to be careful when you mix with her. She's one of the most vulgar yet outspoken girls I've ever met. Dumb as she may looks, she's pretty smart. I mean for the rate that she studies her results shown are pretty good okay?!."

and don't you dare say anything about the wong's curse okay. i only cursed 3 guys in my whole entire life and that includes you. thank me, bitch. for turning your world upside down. :) and yes, i know i'm smart. heh.

"I do things by how REAL the situation gets. Not by trying to dwell into the perfect situation and hope for a better tomorrow. Neah, we don't believe in such. We share pretty much a lot in common."

we do have a lot in common, and that's what brought us together as very very very very very good friends. but, we do have differences, you're too girly, and i'm too manly. which isn't a very good thing. hah. :)

"I just to let you know eventhough we might not have been best friends throughout the whole year, but in my life you are truly my best friend being in a superlative wise not a noun. but however that happens please remember our conscience call, our laughs, our profanities, our days. I love you Wong Min Yan. You've been more than just my sanity-keeper. You let me open up to things that I'll never open up to anyone. The trust i withhold in you. and the trust you withhold in me."

conscience call. like hello, i don't even have to give you a conscience call as i am DEFINITELY not that kind of girl. on the other hand, you, are the one who needs to give me many many conscience calls cause you'll be the one who's gonna sell yourself on petaling street. "sin sang, one night 10 ringgit, no, wait, since you so very handsome, i'll give you 50% off, 5 ringgit la, can ah not ah sin sang?! me give you veddy good ma-saa-geeeee. veddy veddy good one!" wah, so cheap. :)

"I don't know why but you always seem to get me so protective over you. You stupid bitch. I've never been so protective to anyone else but you. Yes you do things based on impulse and fun and all but please do remember Newton's third Law. For every action, There is an equal and opposite reaction. Don't get out of hand. I can't help you all the time and neither can Voon Kent. I know you have the logic to what you're supposed to do, Min Yan but why can't you just do what you're supposed to? Like that Taiwan incident. Serious bitch. I cudda kill you man. =.="."

thank you, woman. thanks for everything. :( it's good to feel protected. mehh. the taiwan freaky man incident, the car incident... you're always there for me, well, not always la, but most of the time.

I LOVE YOU TOO, ALEX TAY EE MENG.
there's no such thing as bff, but i know that our friendship will last. i will invite you to my wedding if i marry a tycoon la okay. got bird's nest, shark's fin, abalone, scallops, the buddha jump over the wall thing...

p.s don't grow bigger and fatter. :) heh.

bye.

edit:

"I'll certainly miss you, maybe even more than Min Yan."

how dare you?!?! you fucking bitch! so now you miss him more than me la! so he's more important than me la now. fine, if that's the way it is. goodbye, dear ex-bestfriend. so long. farewell.

VK20082008MY

2008-12-30T00:51:00.003+08:00

welcome 2 taiwan.

2008-12-22T23:57:00.004+08:00

4 in the morning.

2008-12-22T23:11:00.003+08:00

how sweet. vk came down from genting yesterday, his training ended at around 8pm. then he called me and told me that he was coming down and we were going out on a date and all. but one thing, he had no place to stay cause he didn't want his brother to know. if his brother finds out that he came down from genting, he will tell the mum and the mum will get all worried and stuff. so yeah, vk didn't want the mum to worry. so i tried asking my mum whether vk could stay over at my place and stuff, my mum kept on questioning me, of course, she never trusts me. in the end, after 3 minutes of questioning, she said no. :| rofl. she thought vk had bad intentions and all. hah. then i called my dad, and obviously, well, obviously he said no. they do not trust me, at all, as i am the naughtiest and most rebellious out of all 3 daughters. heh. winner. :)

after that, i called vk and told him not to come down as he won't have a place to stay, and it would have been very troublesome for him just to come down and see me and not ahving a place to sleep at. he then got manly and dominant and all, said "no, i'm coming down, don't worry, i'll find a way, will pick you up in an hour." i guess i was a little pissed at the way how he solve his problems, but, he did all these just for me, and how can i even be angry at him?! then i said bye and took bath and all.

i prepared the shoe box for him. there were boxers, poker cards, condoms, letters and more inside the box. got all those stuff from taiwan. i really really missed him a lot in taiwan. :'( gahh. oh, and i left a pineapple tart thingy in a 'tai-chi' kinda shape. i have no idea how to explain. :|

he picked me up at 10.30pm and he really needed to pee. so we stopped at the tropicana club. i tried driving his car, it was okay la i suppose, except for the fact that the windows always turn foggy and all. after peeing, we went to the curve. there weren't much to do actually. we walked around and ended up at cineleisure. we then sat down and played the poker cards i bought. it's transparent, with some cows on it, really really cute, i must say. :) we played "chor dai di" and he challenged me by saying that he will win, for sure. and obviously, i got competetive and all, accepted his challenge. :) and i won in the end, hah, right in his face. we had fun though. :) i wasn't sure if he let me win on purpose or whatsoever, but the point is, that i won in the end, that's all that matters, no? :) evil.

we then walked around again. lepak here, lepak there. took some pictures. :) gahh. and played black jack, cause i really wanted to play. :) and i won again. heh. i guess i was very lucky that night. poor vk. :) snapped more pics. and left the curve.

after that, we stopped at some place, and turned off the engine. and started talking, gahh, we talked so much, cause we haven't seen each other in ages, 10 days?! the talk lasted til 3am. then we went over to mcD's for late supper as he was very hungry. and finally, we left at 4am. i had fun. i missed him very much. can't imagine life without him. but life still goes on, no? i remember what he asked me previously, he asked whether we can continue our relationship eventhough i'll be over in uk. i didn't give him an answer. but just few days ago, i made up my mind. my answer is no. you may ask me why? and say that i'm being selfish and all, yes, i am being very selfish.

i remember vk once told me that it is very hard for him to stop liking me and just stop wherever we are right here in malaysia. he wants to continue this whole relationship thingy. and we'll end it naturally once we lose the sparks and all in the future. but. i do not want that to happen. never. i was thinking. wouldn't it be better if we just stop right here and have good memories of each other, memories of how we loved each other, instead of like fighting and quarelling and bad memories and all. if we were actually meant to be, we'll still be together next time no matter what. nothing can stop us, if we were meant to be. isn't it better? yes, we'll be sad and all, but this will be temporary. imagine, if we actually continue our relationship, we might fight and argue and all, and we won't love each other as much anymore. and that will be even harder for me , and him as well since we'll be studying and having major exams. so why not just stop it right here, right now? :'(

gahh.

she's in pain.

2008-12-21T16:01:00.006+08:00

在东京铁塔第一次眺望
看灯火模仿坠落的星光
我终于到达但却更悲伤
一个人完成我们的梦想

你总说时间还很多你可以等我
以前我不懂得未必明天就有以后

想念是会呼吸的痛它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛看你的信会痛连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛恨不懂你会痛 想见不能见最痛

没看你脸上张扬过哀伤
那是种多么寂寞的倔强
你拆了城墙让我去流浪
在原地等我把自己捆绑

你没说你也会软弱需要倚赖我
我就装不晓得自由移动自我地过

想念是会呼吸的痛它活在我身上所有角落
哼你爱的歌会痛看你的信会痛连沉默也痛

遗憾是会呼吸的痛它流在血液中来回滚动
后悔不贴心会痛恨不懂你会痛想见不能见最痛

我发誓不再说谎了多爱你就会抱你多紧的
我的微笑都假了灵魂像飘浮着你在就好了

我发誓不让你等候 陪你做想做的无论什么
我越来越像贝壳 怕心被人触碰 你回来那就好了

能重来那就好了

this is exactly how i feel right now. the lyrics are so meaningful. vk has been very very busy lately. busy training as a dealer in genting. his trainings usually end after 9pm everyday. so that means less time together. gahh. i miss you, tvk. but it's not like we can do anything, can we? he can't quit his job, and i can't go up to genting all by myself. everything has come to an end... :'(

it's all over now, he and i both.

2008-12-06T23:58:00.008+08:00

he made me angry last night. i was hurt, very deeply. i don't think he ever thinks before he says anything. everything that comes out from his mouth are just plain mean and dumb and idiotic. well, not to say everything, but some of the things he says. you know what the fuck he told me?! lemme tell you the whole story. so after shopping at pavilion for the whole day from 12 to 9, we took lrt back home. and after that we went for supper at kfc, drive-thru. it was very nice and comfortable since there's only the both of us in the car. it was nice to talk and have fun and stuff. and suddenly i made a comment, i can't exactly remember what i said but i am very sure that it wasn't annoying and all. and he told me that i'm very hatable. like wtf right. who in this fucking world tell your loved ones that they're very hatable and that they are so fucking annoying?!?! who?!?! him, for one.

i didn't talk to him after that comment he made, and was quite pissed, and wanted to scold him back and all. but i was thinking to myself, since we have only one more month together, let all these memories be good memories, not bad ones. i then wind down the window, cause usually whenever i'm angry and upset and all, i feel like i have difficulties in breathing. and not only that, whenever i'm feeling very very sad, my fingers will hurt, same goes for my heart as well. so back to the point, after he made his nasty comment, i wind down the window, and wanted to breathe in some fresh air and all. but he ended up winding it up, he asked me to put my hands away, of course, but anyway, i felt even more angry. like duh. i was trying not to scold you and now you want to go against me, obviously i felt even worse right. i didn't feel like talking to him at all, at that moment. my heart was in pain, not my fingers though. he kept on saying sorry. "sorry la, bebe... sorry la..." it seems like he didn't even took it seriously. he wasn't being sincere at all.

he always say sorry whenever i'm angry, and it really puzzles me. i start to think right now, whether he means it every time he says sorry, or just saying it for the sake of making things alright. it's frustrating, so fucking frustrating. i hate the fact that he always says sorry to make things better. i don't think he knows what he did wrong. that's the problem. i then pretended to be okay and all, aftre around 10 minutes, i was okay once again. then we went over his house to have our kfc since it was full last night. very full.

everything went well. until i went home. i started thinking bout what we did and what he said and got upset, like wtf, it took me so long. and i told him that i was really upset and all. and this morning i blasted at him. all he could do is say sorry. but honestly, that's not what the only thing i want from him, i don't just want him to know what he did wrong, i also want him to make sure that he'll try not o repeat the same bloody mistake in the future. unfortunately, all he could say was "sorry la, bebe...i GUESS what i did was really wrong this time...i'm sorry...i'm really sorry..." note the word "guess", that just says it all. he doesn't know what his mistake was!

wtf. i guess there's a barrier between us. we fail to communicate well. when i cant stand this anymore, everything's gonna be over, all over, he and i both. besides that, he likes to say "i love ou bebe, i love you very much..." yeah, like i believe, hell no. i do not fall for that. thank you very much for saying that, but too bad. yes, you love me, you love your car, yor cat, your dog, your pillow... and everything else in this world. so what else is new. i do believe that ACTIONS SPEAK SO MUCH LOUDER THAN WORDS. this is a fine example, he says he loves me, he misses me, he this and that, so what, do i care, i don't see no actions, at all, all you can do is hug me and kiss me. i don't want that only, i want you to actually listen what i have to say, what i need and what i want. try to put yourself in my shoe, if i told you that you are hak yan zang, how would you feel?! tell me, how would you feel?! fucker. i want you to make things for me, with your own bare hands. you can at least attempt to cook for me or something. i do not expect diamonds or cars or whatsoever from you, that's cause we're only students, yoú don't have money, and same goes for me. show me how you care for me, it doesn't cost anything at all. i know he was joking bout the comment he made, and so? does it even matter whether you're joking or not. it still hurts deep inside. all i ask from you is to treat me seriously and don't take me for granted. that's ll i ask from you.

when everything falls apart, everything...

2008-12-05T00:39:00.007+08:00

it seems alright at this very moment, like everything, but in about a month, everything will be gone, poof.

my friends, they won't be the ones i've been dealing with in secondary. gahh. so emotional right now. what in the world is my problem, and i thought it was very easy to leave everything behind. i guess i was wrong.

this is waikit. i got to know this stupid guy thanks to roxanne. my first impression of waikit, hmm, weird, that was when i was in form 3. so roxanne wanted to move over to edison, and that was why i had no one to sit with, and wai kit was ngam ngam alone as well. so we sat together. we clicked just then, we couldn't stop talking. teachers kept complaining, but we didn't care, we had so much to talk about, but i couldn't recall. he is one of my close friends during my upper secondary years. oh, oh, whenever waikit feels sad, i feel sad too.

the guy on the right, alex. very sissy. not very la, but a little. imma rate him 3 out of a 10 la i suppose, fro his sissiness. he seems outspoken on the outside, but when it comes down to it, he is very very shy. he cries a lot too, like wtf right. it's like, both of us got our bodies switched or something, cause like i act so manly and all, whereas alex acts the other way round. for alex, when i feel sad, he feels sad as well.

joey. she will be over in uk with me, although she'll be in cambridge and i'll be in croydon, but i know that i can count on her whenever i need her. :)

stanley and ken yeang. i just realised that i don't have a picture with both stanley and ken yeang. so here you go. stanley's the one with his hand on his chin, trying to stike a pose. and ken yeang's the one sitting in front of me. although i'm not very close to both of them, but it seems like there's some kind of bond there. hmm, stanley, yeah it's comfortable talking to him, like you always get pissed at him cause of the silly comments he always make, very silly indeed. feel like punching him. he's like a brother. an elder brother to the others, but a younger brother to me. well, no i don't think so. stanley's like a silly friend. yeah. so shy. always go like "minyan ah =]". and i always end up going "yeah? what do you want? why are you so random?" yeah, basically both of us just insult each other indirectly. no, wait, he insults me indirectly, but i insult him directly. heh. ken yeang, i go to his house for tuition. very cosy. he is perverted. yeah. but i know that when it comes down to it, he can be very shy when he's with the girl he likes. stupid boy. heh. talking to ken yeang, is like talking to a younger brother, you always get fed up talking to him. and ye i find it fun doing it. it's nice talking to him as well. both of them make a good gay couple. very cute.

the guy in the middle, his name is faiz. i don't know why, but i respect him, not to say respect, but look up to him. he is rather manly, although he always, ALWAYS come up with insults to attack me, for example, mas airlines or something like that la. something about this stupid faiz, i don't know what. i guess he is very caring. like a father. no that old la, more like an elder brother.
the one on the left is huialee, she'll be over in uk as well.

to be continued...
nighty night. <3

my hairrr.

2008-12-02T19:33:00.003+08:00

ahh!

i just dyed my hair! it's rather lala. now i know how stupid kah ken felt like this morning. he was like "stupid girl! my hair is so lala now!". i did not made him feel better, i laughed at him instead. and he cursed me! thank you very much. i look lala now. wtf.

noo.

i want to redye my hair. i like the base colour and all, i think it's dark copper brown or something, i have no idea. :| but anyway, the highlights are like very very light, so i look like an ang moh wannabe, wtf, no. i guess why my hair turned out this way is cause my hair eats up the colour like very fast, if you get what i mean, like absorb the colour. gahh.

after that, i called karmun, and she came down and saw my hair. and i guess she was trying to cheer me up and all, i really appreciate that. but i still find my hair lala. gahh. what am i supposed to do?

i can't actually redye my hair. mmm, no, i shouldn't. if i actually do that, my hair will turn from dry to super dry.

and worse comes to worse, my skin is not getting better, wtf. :'(

breathtaking.

2008-12-02T11:23:00.000+08:00

to the toilet.

2007-07-29T18:52:00.002+08:00

i need to pee. so badly. like. right now. :)